thoughts
I couldn't help but notice the beautiful sunset tonight. It reminds me that I need to go camping as soon as the weather cools down. Chartering a boat would be another option. I just need a change of scene.
The last month or so, and the last week especially, has been really hard. I'm in the middle of a lot of turbulent and conflicting feelings, and it's leaving me ragged. I suppose a more correct way of putting things is that I'm allowing myself to feel ragged.
I bought two books on Bushido tonight; hopefully, they will help me to clarify my thoughts and focus my energy on positive endeavors. As it is, I'm awash in a lot of negativity these days. I'm back to old thoughts about whether or not to keep a clinical detachment to people and things from now on. I got into Buddhism for the same reason years ago.
I wonder if it's possible to be detached, yet engaged and fulfilled. Is it sustainable? Part of me says that part of the joy of life is the innate uncertainty, and that everything is more precious and meant to be savored because it's all temporary. I think that's wise. I also think that it really sucks when things go south, and that maybe keeping it all at an arm's distance is preferable in the end. There is nothing original about this conflict. Still, I just don't know any more. Maybe it's been at arm's distance for a long while now.
